Reflection 1

Today is the day the blog was born. So, I feel I need to bring it in with a good story right off the bat. I think of a couple I have worked with in the past, who seemed to have a desperate need to be heard. I remember thinking that they were only focused on the stories of what had happened to them in the week. As I listened to them talk to me (and to each other), I realized they were not in my office to be heard by me. They were there in order to get the other perosn to hear them and understand them on a deeper level. Some of you might think this is not a huge revelation, but as a masters student learning to be a therapist, it seemed monumental and incredibly basic at the same time. Each of these people sitting across form me was expressing a basic need to be validated through understanding. So, that is the direction we went in therapy. We worked incredibly hard on realizing that the story was not actually what needed to be heard, it was the emotion and the feelings behind the story. This couple had to work on getting the basic message of need and acceptance across to each other before either one of them could feel loved and validated within their relationship. They did well and made great progress, but left therapy before we could come to a solid conclusion, as is the case with many clients who present to therapy. 

The reason I share this specific story is because we all have the need to be validated and loved or accepted, and often times we find that by sharing our stories. Most of the time though, we can get bogged down in the details of the stories we tell as well as those we listen to. We cant see the emotion or the basic need being presented because we are worried about the car that needs gas, the bill that didn't get paid, or the kid who is immediately hungry. We don't see the weariness of the person who is worn out because they have worked so hard that even getting gas in a car seems a big task. We don't understand the fear and worry of the family who has tried to provide safety and security and now feels like they have fallen short because they missed a payment for that bill. We don't know the frustration and discouragement of the spouse who has worked all day to provide happiness and peace within a home only to have to continue to do so at the expense of their last energy reserves. Try to look past the details of the stories being told and look for the emotions and needs being expressed within them. Just do this intentionally for one day and see how close you feel to the people who are in your daily life and take note of just how much more of your stories are heard with the same sense of depth and understanding. Peace to You.

The Beginning

To all who may read;

My name is Kent and I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate. I have started this blog with two things in mind. The first is that I actually have a place to put down thoughts and reactions to therapy and the practice of it. The second is that you as the reader may be blessed and aided in whatever words are shared here. That being said, this blog follows specific guidelines of the ethical boundaries listed within the code of Ethics for my license. None of my clients personal information is shared here and none of the stories I will talk about contain any personal or identifying aspects. I only intend on reflecting on my role as a therapist, my realizations as a person, and my reflections as those things come to light in my practice. I hope some things will intrigue readers and challenge us as people to think more deeply about our lives and relationships, while others may simply brighten our day and work to help us enjoy ourselves a little more and help us not to take life too seriously. So, I hope you enjoy.